You probably thought your thought your life and your marriage were going along quite well. Yes, there were challenges and difficulties, but you really believed the good outweighed the bad. Through the ups and downs you hung in, hoping in time that your partner would see the light and decide to treat you with love and respect. You hoped in time that you would be able to live the dreams that you held precious in your heart of hearts.

Then came the ugly word DIVORCE. You were shocked! You cried. You pleaded. You begged for another chance, but the answer was still NO. Divorce papers were served. You were left picking up the pieces of a life you thought you shared.

So, now it’s time to go forward. You read magazine articles, you gather books, you talk to your family and friends, you find a therapist, you join a support group and you buy new clothes. Through it all you may feel empty and alone, sometimes worthless, sometimes angry, sometimes scared of the future.

You find yourself wondering, “What does it take to really heal?” As a psychotherapist, I deal with people every day who are going through emotional pain like yours. I’m writing these healing steps for you, because I want you to know that the choices you make in this healing process will literally determine the quality of your future life.

1. Give yourself permission to grieve. Going through divorce is like grieving the death of your relationship, your dreams and your future together. Let yourself really feel the emotional pain and move through it naturally by journaling about your feelings and crying the tears that need to be cried.

2. Hold on to your intention to heal, forgive, and move forward. Divorce can be very painful for a time, but having the intention to forgive and move forward helps you to learn what you need to learn and start over in a new way, instead of being angry and bitter for the rest of your life! Remember that your divorce could be the best thing that ever happened to you if you choose to use it as an opportunity for emotional healing and personal growth.

3. Create a healthy support system of true friends who support your personal growth through this experience. Who you choose as friends at this time could easily make the difference between staying stuck in the anger and pain for the rest of your life or moving forward to create a whole new life for yourself! If you want a positive future, choose friends who help you grow!

Copyright © 2006 Kari Joys

Why spend another day feeling anxious and depressed when you can begin this exciting emotional healing journey right now? Even if you grew up in an extremely dysfunctional family, with patience and persistence you could actually overcome a lifetime of negative patterns by following Kari Joys’ simple 33-day emotional healing journey! Kari Joys MS has been a highly recognized psychotherapist, a skilled group facilitator, and a powerful energy therapist in private practice for over twenty years. If you’re ready to change your life, visit http://www.kari-joys.com

I am glad to be married. I have been married for almost 8 years and together with my wife for a total of 12 years. As you can see it has been a long time since I have been on a date and I couldn’t be more thankful. I found dating to be difficult back when I was doing it, now there are so many more dimensions to dating, it must be even more of a challenge.

On-line dating is becoming more and more popular and in theory it sounds like it makes the process easier. But, given the type of people you hear about in the news that commit some unheard of crimes, how can you be sure that the person you meet on-line is really that person?

While the dating websites such as, eHarmony.com, date.com, match.com, and many more bring a whole bunch of people to you for easy searching how can you be sure you are getting what you see?

Assuming you are able to weed through the weirdoes and find some real quality people then the service is an excellent idea. You get to pick the criteria you want in your mate. You get to see pictures of them along with their profile. You can contact them ahead of time via email, the safest way to screen potential dates. If the emailing step goes well you can then move to phone calls. Provided all these steps go well and you both feel some chemistry you can arrange a date with each other.

Taken even a bit further, eHarmony.com does a personality profile so they can match you up with what they feel is your ideal match. I have not known anyone that has used this service with eHarmony. I have known several people that have used match.com. They were able to find many dates so the system worked as designed. No marriages came out of the dates but I think it had more to do with my friends and their readiness to commit to someone.

There is no limit to what you can find if you are looking to meet someone. While researching this topic for my website I found so many different options. There are the simple websites mentioned already in this article, just people looking to meet others. There are websites dedicated to gay relationships, blacks looking to meet blacks, Asians looking to meet Asians, various religions looking to meet people of the same religion. Perhaps the most surprising and most disturbing that I came across was married people looking to meet someone to “hook up”. I have not placed any of these sites on my website for obvious reasons but there were dozens of them out there.

Given how the landscape of dating has changed in the last 12 years I can only imagine what dating will be like when my daughter starts dating, not that I even want to think of it.

Scott Bianchi operates Internet Bargains and Casino Games. He writes on a variety of topics. If you would like to be added to his distribution list for his new articles when they are published just send an email to articles@bestinternetbargains.com .

In choosing your wedding music, you will inevitably debate whether to hire a band or a DJ to lead your wedding reception festivities. In some instances, the type of venue you choose and the overall theme of your wedding will dictate whether you decide to go with a band or DJ, but the decision is always up to you. In making your wedding music decision, consider the pros and cons of each:

WEDDING BAND

• The Pros
A band is live, and when played by experienced musicians, nothing can beat live music. Talented musicians can really work with the theme of your wedding reception and modify songs accordingly. If the party is lagging, they can always switch the tempo. Hiring a band also adds the exciting possibility that anything can happen.

• The Cons
With wedding bands charging anywhere from $1500-$15,000, budget constraints can make hiring a band too expensive to consider. A band’s sound can also be limiting. If you want to hear from Beethoven to Outkast and everything in-between at your wedding reception, you may have some difficulty in finding a band that can play such an eclectic mix.

DJ

• The Pros
One of the main benefits of hiring a DJ is that all the songs are played as you know them; you can rest assured that your first dance song will sound EXACTLY as you expect it to and can plan accordingly. You are also likely to get more variety in sound with a DJ, and for couples on a budget, even the most expensive DJs are usually cheaper than hiring a band.

• The Cons
On the other hand, a bad DJ can kill the elegant atmosphere you carefully planned for your wedding reception – so hire wisely! A DJ typically does not have as much ability to improvise and set the theme of the evening. The songs will be played exactly how they were originally recorded and therefore can’t be modified to suit a beach, country or jazz swing wedding (for example) as bands can often do. Your DJ also can’t switch tempo if need be to accommodate your fiance’s dragging feet during your first dance.

For a complete guide to creating an elegant and memorable wedding celebration, visit www.elegala.com, your ultimate wedding planning resource.

Cori Locklin is editor-in-chief for http://www.elegala.com and Elegala Magazine. Elegala is a new wedding planning resource offering the most comprehensive portfolio of superior wedding reception sites and wedding services, along with planning tips, photo galleries and checklists to keep brides in-the-know on today’s wedding trends and styles.

Everybody who has decided to marry wants their day to be special and they want every aspect of their day to be just so. When it comes right down to it just how important are your wedding centerpiece ideas?

Think about this, how many times have you noticed a centerpiece? Has it been to say “what a fantastic display” or “how unusual” or has it been to comment on what a poor arrangement as you move it out of your way? Personally I have done all three but the last one happens the most. The point is you do notice them and surely everyone wants the comments to be good.

Wedding centerpiece ideas can be as unique and as individual as you are. They can be personal, sentimental, humourous, dramatic or whatever you want them to be. They can be a way of including your guests in your day by providing them with pen and paper to write good wishes or advice. They can even be a way of entertaining invited children (which will earn the undying gratitude of the parents involved)!

When deciding on colorscheme your centerpiece can be a way of bringing your main or accent color to each table. Your wedding centerpiece can be a main part of the decoration that you use for your reception and so I would say that your centerpiece is an important part of your day. Give it some thought, let your creativity shine through and make your wedding centerpiece one that makes everyone say ” wow!”.

Whether you choose candles or flowers, straw hats or wishing wells use your centerpiece to say something, make your idea as important as you want and enjoy your day!

Lorna Mclaren has an information website http://www.a1-ourwedding.com where you can find all the information, ideas and where to buy what you need to make your wedding what you want.

A wedding day is a very special, in fact unique, day for the bride and groom, and for close family and friends, especially those who play a part in the ceremony, such as the bridesmaids. In most cases, the bridesmaids do get a fair amount of attention as part of the supporting cast, and it is usual for bridesmaids gifts to be given as a memento of the occasion.

As bride and groom, though, you may want to say a big thank you to the bridesmaids and do something a bit special for them. So, you may be considering an unusual bridesmaids’ gift to show them their role was more important to you than they may have thought; and, that they are not and will not be forgotten.

Wanting to give an unusual bridesmaid gift is one thing, but finding one is a different matter altogether. However, maybe “finding” is not the right way to go about it. You want to thank the bridesmaids for their support on your special wedding day, so why not thank them by arranging something special for them, in which they, not you, are the focus of attention?

What you do will, of course, depend on budget, and what you think the bridesmaids will all appreciate. Here are just a few ideas for unusual bridesmaids’ gifts that you could arrange.

Bridesmaids’ Bash

On the wedding day itself, you probably had a reception and maybe a disco or some form of entertainment for the wedding guests. Again, the stars of the show were you, the bride and groom. One sure way to show appreciation is for you to stand aside and bring the bridesmaids to the fore, to feel very special and appreciated.

One thing you could do is to arrange a Bridesmaids Bash, a party arranged just for them. If you are going away for a honeymoon, would it not be nice to get back home, and a few days latter have a special party organised for the bridesmaids Of course, you can give them a small memento also, but as the main, and unusual, bridesmaids gift, a fun bash in which they are the focus, could go down really well.

Bridesmaids’ Beauty Binge

There is no doubt that almost every bride and groom goes to great lengths to look their best on the wedding day; the same is true of the bridesmaids. There is also no doubting that girls and young women across the bridesmaid age group do feel special when they are having a lot of attention being paid to their health and beauty.

For an unusual bridesmaids’ gift, how about negotiating with a local parlour for a group beauty session for all the bridesmaids? It would be fun for them to go together a couple of weeks after the wedding, and have a makeover, pedicure, manicure, new hairdo, massage; whatever you can afford to make a fuss of them for an hour or two, or three.

Bridesmaids’ Bloat Out

Another bridesmaid gift idea that is a bit unusual is, rather than the full Bridesmaids’ Bash, take them all out for a special meal a week or two after the wedding. This idea is not for those on a diet, but as they are all young and probably in good shape, some sort of feast, a Bridesmaids’ Bloat Out, could be a good idea. It is best to sound them out in advance, so you can choose a venue they will all be delighted with, whatever their age.

To make it special, you could arrange for a local florist, or the establishment manager, to deliver flowers, or some other gift, to the table. A little bit of imagination could make this a fun occasion to all and give the bridesmaids the special attention they deserve.

This bridesmaid gift article was written by Roy Thomsitt, owner author of the Gifts For Xmas website.

Wedding gifts are a wonderful way for you to show your appreciation and caring for the newly wed couple. However it is hard to feel passionate about another blender or toaster. Buy the latest kitchen gadget or home décor item might be easy but it is not very unique and says that you hardly thought of the couple. However if you purchase a unique wedding gift that stands out from the others the couple will always remember the thoughtful gift.

Below are some easy ideas that you can get for unique wedding gifts.

Unique Wedding Gifts for the Couple

All of these gifts can be shared by both the bride and groom and most of them create very nice memories of the wedding day. These unique wedding gifts are something that will hopefully sustain them through some of the rockier times later in their marriage.

Photo Quilts – These have become very popular gift items and can be found almost anywhere online and also locally if you do a little searching. These items are a lot of fun as you can imagine the newly wed couple curled up together on the couch under a blanket with their own pictures on it. What a great way to truly celebrate the couple. You simply need anywhere between 1 to 45 good quality photos that can either be printed or in digital format. You can send these in to the company and in just a few days you will get back a beautiful quilt. One fun way to do this is take pictures of botht he bride and groom and their respective families. Then use the pictures to show the uniting of two families.

Another fun idea that a photo quilt can be used for is as a guest book. Yes, that’s right a guest book. Simple hang the quilt where guests will be entering before the ceremony and provide some nice sharpie permanent markers. Have everyone leave a unique and personalized message.

Personalize Photo Pillow – Can’t you just see it now a wonderful photo pillow on the newly wed couples bed? You send in your favorite picture of the bride and groom and it gets turned into a unique custom wedding gift pillow. How is that for personalized!

Family Portrait Platters- you have probably all seen those cartoonists that will do caricatures of people at a local street fair or some other big gathering. Well a family photo platter takes this idea and makes it into a very unique wedding gift. You can pick the skin color, hair color and basic body types to represent each person in the family. These make wonderfully unique gifts that everyone is sure to enjoy.

Custom Wedding Cake Toppers – Want to go all out and give a unique wedding gift. Try a custom wedding cake topper. You send in pictures of the couple including images of their clothes and or activities that they like to do and a sculptor will make a custom wedding cake topper based on your input. Just make sure you work this out with the wedding planner and bride before spending the money. These are typically done in polymer clay and will last forever.

These are just a few of the many of great ideas for unique wedding gifts. It is very popular and thoughtful to give something that has been personalized and this is something to consider as you search for your unique gift. Adding the personalization shows that you have taken the time to think about the newly weds and their likes and dislikes and not just gotten a stock out of the store mass produced gift.

Whatever unique wedding gift you choose an important key it to plan ahead. You do not want to try and do any of the above ideas the day before the wedding. To make a gift personalized can take some time and you will want to leave two or more weeks to get the gift done. So plan ahead, be creative and have fun with your wedding gift and you are sure to end up with something they will remember and cherish forever. Much better then just another toaster that will get returned.

Chris Ryerson is the webmaster of Plan Best Wedding. A great resource for: Wedding planning, free articles and Unique Wedding Gifts

Any marriage counselor will tell you that one of the most common problems observed when couples come for help is poor communication skills. People get into trouble in their marriages because they have not developed their ability to listen and communicate.

Barriers to Communication

These are a few of the things that prevent people from communicating effectively:

• Not knowing how to communicate properly

• Not taking the time to think through what you want to say

• Not taking the time to anticipate what your partner might be thinking and feeling

• Fear of revealing too much of yourself

• Fear of your partner’s anger

• Not wanting to hurt your partner’s feelings
Empathy and Acceptance

People marry because they want to spend the rest of their lives with their partner. They have every hope of growing together and creating a relationship that makes them feel emotionally healthy. Two factors that are necessary for this to happen are empathy and acceptance on the part of both partners.

Empathy is the capacity to put oneself in another’s shoes and understand how they view their reality, how they feel about things.

Demonstrating empathy and acceptance is critical to maintaining a strong relationship. Let’s look next at some communication skills that enable you to create a climate of empathy, acceptance, and understanding. First we will explore a skill called Active Listening.

Active Listening

Active listening is a way of communicating that creates the important climate of empathy, acceptance, and understanding.

• It is a two-step response to a statement made by your partner.

• It includes reflecting back what emotion you detected in the statement, and the reason for the emotion.
This is what active listening sounds like:
“Sounds like you’re upset about what happened at work.”

“You’re very annoyed by my lateness, aren’t you?”

Why Active Listening Is a Valuable Skill

Active listening is a valuable skill because it demonstrates that you understand what your partner is saying and how he or she is feeling about it.

• Active listening means restating, in your own words, what the other person has said.

• It’s a check on whether your understanding is correct.

• It demonstrates that you are listening and that you are interested and concerned.

Actively listening does not mean agreeing with the other person. The point is to demonstrate to your partner that you intend to hear and understand his or her point of view. This is good for your relationship for several reasons:

• When someone demonstrates that they want to understand what you are thinking and feeling, it feels good.

• It creates good feelings about the other person.

• Restating and checking understanding promotes better communication and fewer misunderstandings.

More Active Listening Examples

Here are some more examples of active listening:

“You sound really stumped about how to solve this problem.”

“It makes you angry when you find errors on Joey’s homework.”

“Sounds like you’re really worried about Wendy.”

“I get the feeling you’re awfully busy right now.”

More Communication Skills

Although our space is limited in this short newsletter, there are a few more communication skills that I must mention. These include asking open-ended questions, making summary statements to check understanding, and encouraging your partner to open up and elaborate by using neutral questions and phrases.

Open-ended questions begin with what, why, how do, or tell me.

• These questions get the other person to open up and elaborate on the topic.

• Asking these kinds of questions gets the other person involved by giving him or her a chance to tell what he or she thinks or knows.

• These questions are designed to encourage your partner to talk.

• They are useful when the other person is silent or reluctant to elaborate.

• They are also useful in dealing with negative emotions (such as anger or fear), since they help encourage the other person to vent feelings.

Summary Statements

Summary statements sum up what you hear your partner saying.

• A summary statement enhances your partner’s self-esteem by showing that you were listening carefully.

• It also helps you focus on facts, not emotions.

• It helps your partner clarify his or her own thinking by hearing your summary.

• Summary statements also help you deal with multiple disagreements so you can deal with them one by one.

• They help eliminate confusion by focusing on the relevant facts.

• Summary statements also help you separate the important issues from the trivial.

Neutral Questions and Phrases

Neutral questions and phrases get your partner to open up and elaborate on the topic you are discussing.

• These questions are more focused than open-ended questions.

• They help your partner understand what you are interested in hearing more about.

• They further communication because they help you gain more information.

• When you ask these kinds of questions, you demonstrate to your partner that you are interested and that you are listening.

Business Skills for Marriages

You might be surprised to hear that the same skills that help people succeed in business can also be used to build a better marriage. Like any business, a marriage is a partnership of people. Many of the skills that make businesses run successfullyplanning, organizing, and setting goalsalso can be applied to running your marriage successfully. These are some of the skills that will strengthen any marriage:

1. Create an overall vision of what you want your life to be like; consider all life areas.

2. Develop a long-range strategy.

3. Set short-term and long-term goals.

4. Plan the steps that will help you accomplish your goals.

5. Organize projects.

6. Manage projects.

7. Manage people.

8. Evaluate progress and results at regular intervals.

9. Revise goals as needed.

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.

We profess some values and act against them. I will come to that shortly, but add here that our not living by values may be hurting our love very badly. When we look for answers to our lost love, we must find out if we had violated our values. Let me give you some examples. What are the values you love? Honesty, speaking truth, helping others, understanding others, caring for others, being compassionate and many other values come in the values list of a majority. What about living by these values?

How many of us don’t lie? How many of us behave carelessly towards others/ how many of us cheat others for small gains? We are ready to sacrifice most of our values to reach our material goals. We justify all our actions on the way, but deep inside there is no peace or satisfaction in our heart. We know that we are different to what we began with.

Is the same happening with our love relationship? In love, we say- I will care for you. In love we promise total faithfulness. In love, we promise that we will sacrifice our comfort to make our beloved comfortable. In love we promise many things including never hurting our darling.

When it comes to living by these values, we break most of them. We bring down our love to a give and take and justify our wrong actions with every possible argument. But the end result is death of love. After that we blame our darling for breaking love. That is our tragedy.

The author C.D.Mohatta writes articles, advice and ideas at http://www.yourromanceguide.com/ on topics like love, dating, marriage, relationships, break-ups, etc. He also writes for screen-savers and desktop wallpapers at http://www.screene.com/ on topics like nature, spirituality, motivation, love-romance, holidays, animals, etc. The third site, the author writes for, is http://www.ecarduniverse.com/ – it has free ecards on holidays, birthday, love, friendship, family, expressions, celebrations and all events and occasions.

Take a look inside him. Ask yourself these questions.

1. What’s his EQ? Did you know you can measure it? Since your relationship depends upon your interpersonal skills, it would be smart if you both took the EQ-Map© and then worked with an EQ coach on areas needed. EQ can be learned. Go here – http://tinyurl.com/z94t .

2.Does he have deficits in the limbic brain? This is about eye contact, oxytocin, bonding, parenting, affection, using the word “we”. If all you’re getting is reptilian (sex ) and neocortex (intellectual), why give up good closet space when a Rampant Rabbit and Wikipedia would do? 3.How’s the left- right brain balance? Talking to someone who’s all left-brain is like getting facts from a machine. Talking to someone who’s all right-brain – they may not be organized enough to show up for the talk! 4.How “male” brained is he? According to Simon Baron-Cohen ( http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0738208442/susandunnmome-2 0 ), the extreme male brain is good at systematizing, and low on empathy. It takes the average male 7 times longer to process emotional information than for a woman to. What if it takes him 70 times longer? What if he can’t get there at all?

5. How does he manage his anger? You need to experience this. Don’t make a decision until you’ve had your first big fight. Make sure you both trust yourselves and the relationship enough to be able to disagree openly and come to a resolution.

6.Will he be there for you? As Oriah Mountain Dream says, will he “stand in the middle of the fire with [you] and not shrink back?” It’s a sign of maturity and character to be able to stand and deliver when you feel like running.

7.Can he be faithful? This isn’t a philosophical issue. If it happens to you, it can hit you in the gut.

Male infidelity may be intellectually defensible, but emotionally it destroys the covenant of the relationship the way the radioactive contamination from a nuclear bomb destroys vegetation. It won’t be coming back in your lifetime, and without it, there is no relationship. 8.Does he know enough is enough? One should never use more force than is necessary. Can he think before he speaks and then deliver just the right amount. And no more. It shows empathy, self-confidence, and self-control. This means resisting all urges to deliver the big one-two he knows would really really hurt you in a verbal argument.

9.Do you laugh together? If there’s anything you can count on to get you through the long haul, it’s a sense of humor. Wit gets bonus points with me. It can be used in public, and can save your marriage on a 6-hour car trip with a carsick kid and a borken air-conditioner. Silliness … now that’s the sign of true lovers.

10.Does he say nice things to you about you and the relationship? The formula is 3 positive things for each negative thing. Does he do this? Is he willing to learn?

Are you looking but not looking for love? Do you long to find your soul mate?

If you are looking without trying to seem like you are looking that is understandable. None of us likes to feel undignified.

Perhaps you could develop a new perspective about looking, and move into enjoying it, rather than seeing it as something that is beneath you. Looking could mean that you are ready to take responsibility for your own happiness, whom you meet, whom you choose to go out with, and the quality of relationship you want. The best approach of all is to consider the process of looking for someone as your great adventure.

Here are some ideas to help you in your search:

Tell people you want to meet someone.

Being introduced to someone by people who know you makes a lot of sense. Networking and asking friends and relatives to scout for you is one of the most effective ways of meeting others. It helps to have friends screen potential dates. It can save you a lot of time in getting to know and trust someone. If you are out of high school or college, you are going to have to take the initiative if you want to date. That initiative starts with asking others for help.

Do some planning to get out more often.

I can’t think of anything worth having that does not take some planning, focus, and skills. Invariably, working for what you want also involves ups and downs. Did you sail through school with no struggles? Not too many people didand that’s my point. You worked for it, and made your way through the challenges with as much grace as possible. So be prepared to do the work to find places to go and people to go with. Further, design a dating plan that includes going places, scouting, sorting, and screening potential dates.

Be friendly and reach out to people.

Extend yourself to people to make some new friends. By building a stronger social network, and developing a good attitude, you will increase the likelihood of meeting someone. You need to practice your social skills if you are going to go new places and talk to new potential dates. A different attitude leads to different behavior which creates new and different results.

Learn to use the internet for dating.

Get a good book about how to proceed with effective internet dating. It’s important to learn how to write an interesting profile. Read other peoples’ profiles to get ideas about the ones you like. If you have tried one site and it did not work, try another.

Polish yourself up.

What would it take for you to feel attractive? Do you need a hair or clothes makeover? Do you need to start working out at the gym? Or perhaps you need to learn some new skills to feel better about your career potential? Ask yourself what would give you new energy and make plans to do something about it.

Don’t be afraid to acknowledge to yourself and to others that you are looking. The first step to getting who and what you want is to know what that is and stop keeping it a secret. The second step is to take action. Good luck. You can do it.

Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)